This television show: you need to be watching it.

Seriously, a crime drama hasn’t been like this in a damn long time. Obviously, it’s not trying to be Law and Order; it’s certainly not a procedural. It’s not a CSI. Sure, the crimes themselves do that lovely thing where they wrap up by the end of the hour, but it’s not about the crimes; it’s about the characters. Little details like the squad moving the egomaniac cop’s desk into the holding cell: he returns, is flabbergasted as to why his desk is in the cell and a suspect is sitting in it and, as the camera re-focuses on another conversation in the room, the cop and the suspect play tug-of-war with the desk. Writers, fabulous.

This retraction of the flippy-floppy review may or may not have been influenced by the following: a mention of Myrtle Ave, the use of Cat Power’s “Metal Heart” in a scene, the idea of a “stakeout date” (where a cop meets their significant other at a restaurant near the site of a long stakeout), the handlebar moustache that Delahoy sports, Terry Kinney joining the ranks of bald supervisors of police squads, Amber Tamblyn’s awesome hair, and/or Harold Perrineau being my new television crush.

Watch The Unusuals on Wednesday nights at 10 PM, or you can catch up, as of this posting, with all four episodes at abc.com.

So, first up: The Unusuals.

ABC’s website has this to say about the show:

Like a modern-day M*A*S*H, The Unusuals explores both the grounded drama and comic insanity of the world of New York City police detectives, where every cop has a secret. It also helps to have a twisted sense of humor, since every day could be your last.

The first five minutes of the pilot introduce us to Detective Casey Shraeger (Amber Tamblyn), a tough-girl cop who’s secretly a trust fun baby, who is working undercover as a hooker. A car pulls over next to her and the driver informs her she is being reassigned, effective immediately, to the 2nd Precinct. This is Seargeant Harvey Brown (Terry Kinney), who shows up a disappointingly small amount in the series. Shraeger is being reassigned, she is told, so she can help investigate the murder of the previous partner of the vaguely-mysterious Detective Jason Walsh (Jeremy Renner), who owns a diner that he only opens for a few hours every night, with no actual staff.

The rest of the cast of characters include Detective Leo Banks (Harold Perrineau), a man who’s terrified of dying at 42 (his current age) like the rest of the men in his family, Detective Eric Delahoy (Adam Goldberg), who is unafraid of death since being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Detective Henry Cole (Joshua Close), a born-again Christian, Detective Eddie Alvarez (Kai Lennox), the obligatory egomaniac cop, and Detective Allison Beaumont (Monique Gabriela Curnen), who appears to be there solely as the other hot lady cop that’s essential in crime dramas.

So, an ensemble cast. Now, as many of you will recall, I have recently been obsessed with Oz, HBO’s first drama and a magnificent piece of television with a brilliant ensemble cast. It also does not help The Unusuals that two ex-Oz actors (Kinney, who was Tim McManus, Oz’s unit supervisor, and Perrineau, who was Augustus Hill, the brilliant narrator and and murderer in Emerald City) are in their ranks because, frankly, I’m rather disappointed.

Given, it’s only two episodes in. But these characters still seem like charicatures of themselves. The born-again Christian, the cop afraid of death, the guy with the well-kept secret, the rich girl trying to make it in a tough profession, the hot one, the egomaniac: I’ve seen these people before, perhaps never in one television show, but I’ve seen them done over and over again regardless. There are some incredible acting chops in this program, so it may help to overcome that, but I’m afraid that, by the time the actors are able to get into their roles, the audience will be bored and have moved on to a new program.

What kills me especially about The Unusuals is that it has such a brilliant set-up: a return to the comedy found in law enforcement. The guy in the hot dog costume that holds up a bank, the guy who serial kills cats: these people are Unusual. And, if a touch better-written, could be quite funny. (Writers, that means let go of the obligatory puns, please.)

The problem is that the Unusual detectives have to compete for screen time with the Unusual crimes, and due to all this Unusual all over the place, it falls flat as a whole with under-development.

However, I do see a bit of promise with this show, primarily from this exchange between Shraeger and Walsh in the most recent episode:

Shraeger: I think it’s time we have the conversation.

Walsh: Conversation?

Shraeger: The “porn stash” conversation.

Walsh: Big porn fan, are you?

Shraeger: No, like. Listen, the “what do we do if something happens” conversation. When Kowalski died, you went straight to his locker and you got rid of all his contraband.

Walsh: We’ve been partners a week, you thinkin’ about me dying?

Shraeger: What, is it too early?

Walsh: I suppose not. All right. So, what d’ya got, drugs, guns, Nazi plate under the bed?

Shraeger: No. I have a diary that I wouldn’t want anyone to read.

Walsh: A diary. “Davis was mean to me today,” that kind of thing?

Shraeger: No. Sexual. Stories… about me. Y’know.

Walsh: Fine, where is it?

Shraeger: It’s in a lock box in my closet. All right.

Walsh: (turns to leave)

Shraeger: No, what about you?

Walsh: What about me? What am I hiding? What do you think, Casey?

Shraeger: Look, I don’t figure you as the sexual deviant type or… (studies him for a moment) I know what it is. You write poetry.

Walsh: (smirks) You’re good.

So far, I’d have to say my rating of The Unsuals is 3 cupcakes out of a possible 5. I have my fingers crossed for this show, though, if they work out the kinks with the writing.