Vagina Plate December 1, 2008
Posted by Katie Oh in : Such As , trackback“Here, put the turkey on this,” my cousin Lisa said, handing one of two large platters she was holding to her husband, Bobby.
“Oh, it’s Vagina Plate,” he said. Lisa began to laugh, and I stuck my head under the cabinets and over the counter to get a look.
And there it was: the artist clearly had had the best of intentions, with the grapes detailing the edges of the porcelain and other fruit painted around it, but in the center was a [peach? pomegranate?] that had been illustrated as if cut open, and the centers looked like… you guessed it.
“I just kind of feel strange eating from this,” he said.
I had come home on Tuesday evening, after a quick lunch with my friends at the local diner. I was exhausted: have been for a few days. Watched 30 Rock, ordered a pizza, collapsed.
Wednesday, I sold $10,000 worth of booze in a 7-hour shift. I alternated between “have a nice day,” “have a nice weekend,” and “have a nice holiday.” A man came to my register, and after I ended our exchange with the latter, he said “screw that, say ‘have a merry Christmas.’ They’re trying to take the Christ out of Christmas!”
He assumed I was just being PC, or that I was secretly in contempt of having to refer to “holidays” instead of “Christmas.” I, taken aback, explained that Thanksgiving was the holiday to which I was referring. I don’t think he understood.
Thursday was Turkey Day, two dinners, one at Polly and Fuddy’s, one at Lisa and Bobby’s. Lisa announced that Christmas would be at her place this year, with the theme of “Christmas Around the World.” My mother quickly called Ireland.
“I kind of wanted to choose Ethiopia,” my Aunt Cheryl said. “I could just bring an empty bowl.”
My mother and I went Black Friday shopping. We didn’t trample anyone to death, but I did get a really awesome hat from Kohl’s. And the The Dress from Lane Bryant: beautiful black cocktail dress, one left, in my size. The best sort of retail therapy.
We had to leave Lisa and Bobby’s before the festivities totally wound down. I didn’t feel awful about it, being as that I would be seeing them all again in less than a month for all the family hug-time that happens at the holidays.
“Don’t forget to mention this,” Bobby said, motioning to the family, most of whom were still sitting at the table. “And Vagina Plate.”
Indeed.
Comments»
i just totally lol’d at “vagina plate” and nearly woke my roommate up. that is just fantastic.
sounds like a truly memorable holiday…love you, katie oh!