Haggard February 19, 2008
Posted by Katie Oh in : Such As , trackbacki have spent the past few days [weeks, months, years] wandering around in a fog. i sleep 10 hours and take a nap in the middle of the day, i’m just that tired & lethargic. i’m getting the old sort of angry again, where i’d very much like to just stab the people who irritate me. i’m hoping there’s something wrong with me at this point, if only for the hope that it can be fixed. i’m hoping it’s something.
to be honest, i can’t even remember what all happened this past week, since i gave you guys a real update. valentine’s day happened. i’ve never exchanged cards with my friends. it was weird to have people pushing them in my face, all smiles. it felt awkward to me.
it’s weird to have most of my friends here exclusively. at home, i have a bunch of people who ditched me when i got depressed, who harassed me for being such a downer. by contrast, today at lunch we brainstormed what could be making me so sick/tired/angry/depressed. there is support, here. at home, there is very little, if any at all.
matt is coming to see me in less than two weeks: matt, who has been one of my friends since i moved to michigan, matt who’s always there to listen. i’ve missed him terribly. it’s strange how distance can change your relationships with people in ways you would suspect. scott told me that i marginalized myself by moving so far away. by contrast, matt and i, who were never by any means anything but kind to each other, now usually talk at least once a day. it’s refreshing to have someone with such a parallel mindset to yours to talk to. we want to liveblog something eventually. in lolcat speak, of course.
tomorrow, i am going to health and counseling to get myself some help. bloodwork, medication, Something. i need to know what’s wrong so i can fix it. and then i have to trek to go to my bank. i love making those little trips, actually, when i have energy.
thursday night, i am going back to pittsburgh to spend a weekend begging for employment. best case scenario, i get two jobs. maybe even three, if both barnes and nobles, for whatever reason, hire me. worst case scenario, zero. but i can’t let zero happen, that is for sure.
i am just exhausted.
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